A Letter to the Parents of a Good Girl

Inside of your daughter is a good girl – a girl who despite everything longs to be accepted, loved, and wanted and who would give anything to be thought beautiful and worthy of love.  Whether she makes big mistakes or maintains a façade of perfection, she is good. 

She struggles with feelings of insecurity and not-good-enough-ness.  She longs to please those around her; and when she makes mistakes, her good girl gets hurt. 

When it comes to her faith, she either struggles with feeling like she is not doing enough to build her relationship with God, or she feels like she has messed up so much that it would be impossible for God to accept, love, or want her. 

Because of this, because of all of this shame, fear, and anxiety, she hides.  She hides just like Eve in the garden for fear that she will be found out.  She is hiding from you.  She is hiding from the world.  She is hiding from herself.  She is hiding from God. 

Hear this:  She longs to be set free, but she just does not know how this freedom is Christ is attained. 

As her parent, you are the most important spiritual influence she has.  So, before I give you any advice on how to set your daughter free from her feelings of insecurity and not-good-enough-ness, I have to ask you: 

Do you know that you are a new creation in Christ?  that in Christ you have a new identity?  You are loving, joyful, patient, kind, peaceful, gentle, compassionate, beautiful, accepted, worthy.  Once you begin to live as one who knows and accepts this new identity, this Christlikeness, you will be set free from your anxiety, worry, and fear.  Then, she will have the picture of one who walks with God – flaws and all.  

Be open.  

Be honest.  

Be you.  

Be God’s.

Work on that.  I’ll be working, too.  

p.s. I am reading Emily Freeman's Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try-Hard Life. 

Reflection: On Graduation

This coming Sunday is Graduate Sunday, and it has become an important day in the life of our church.  It does not matter whether you have a child graduating or whether you even know the graduates.  Graduate Sunday has become for our church one of those moments of passage.  The same individuals that we carried up and down the aisles when they were infants as we dedicated them to the Lord will now walk down the same aisles as emerging adults.  The same children and youth that stood in the baptismal waters as they proclaimed publically their faith, will now go with the challenge of proclaiming their faith in some situations that it is hard to be faithful to Christ.

These young adults need our prayer, our support and love just as much now, maybe more, than they did when they were dedicated and baptized.  So, this week we will gather to remember the vows we made as a church and the vows they made to us and to Christ and again we will ask for God’s blessing for the future. 

One of my friends, Mark Winfield of Wilshire Baptist Church in Dallas, wrote in a recent article these thoughts about Graduate Day and I wanted to share a few excerpts with you.

Mark Writes:

 When a 17- or 18-year-old graduates from high school and heads off to the independence of college life, the tables turn in a way that never can be undone. All we have invested in these children; all the nurture they’ve received from Sunday school teachers, youth workers, family and friends is about to be put to the test. We need a way of blessing these almost-adults as they prepare to fly out of the congregation’s nest.

One of the benefits of staying in a single congregation a long time is watching the same kids push through each of these steps. Most of the youth we blessed in worship today I’ve known since they were preschoolers. I saw them dedicated to the Lord by their families. I heard their confessions of faith in the waters of baptism. I’ve worked alongside them on mission trips and worshiped with them at camp.

On this day, as they prepare to turn one of the most significant corners of life’s journey, I want them to know that their church believes in them. And I want the church to be reminded that we’ve accomplished something important as a village of faith.

So here’s my prayer for our high school seniors this year. Maybe it will be your prayer as well:

“Lord, hear now our words of blessing over these whom we love, just as you have loved them from the womb of creation. Bless their parents, their brothers and sisters, their grandparents and friends. Bless each graduate at this precipice of destiny. Fill each with unusual wisdom and grace to face the world with confidence and compassion because you, the Lord of All, live within them. May your Holy Spirit empower each one, as they prepare to step away from this sacred community of faith, to live for you and your kingdom and to never, never, never forget that they have met you here and that this is one place that will always be a safe harbor regardless of what life brings.”

That last bit is where I get emotional, because one of the burdens of staying in one congregation a long time is knowing that not every kid who heads off to college makes great choices. Some will major in partying more than academics. Some will make disastrous life choices. Some never will darken the door of a church again.

The role of the church, though, is to offer a safe and steady harbor or, as the old Motel 6 ads used to say, “leave the light on for you.” If we’ve done our job as a community of faith, our students graduate from high school with eternal truths embedded in their spirits and hearts that always know the way home. That’s worth getting a little teary about.

Amen, Mark!  Amen.

- Dr. Jeff Roberts

Striking a Balance with Social Media and Technology in the Home

Technology and social media are changing at a break-neck pace. The fact that I would not have been writing about social media 10-years ago tells you how fast things have shifted. Some of you may have heard me say Facebook is on its way out for MS and HS students. I have seen the shift to Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram. Here is a portion of an article that recently appeared in Time magazine.

Facebook is losing its appeal for teens. Who says? Facebook. In a statement included in is annual 10-K report, the social networking giant acknowledged that some young users are “aware of and actively engaging with other products and services similar to, or as a substitute for, Facebook.” Pools suggest Tumblr now has more currency with youth. One of Facebook’s challenges is that it’s simply too popular – particularly among teen’s parents and grandparents. “It’s almost like they’re the only ones on there,” complains 15-year-old Baret Steed. “All your relatives are constantly commenting on your stuff. I appreciate the gesture and wanting to keep up with my life, but it’s kind of annoying.”

It’s not that teens are completely packing up their allegiance with Facebook, but it’s just one of many social networks they use. Many of the most popular have pictorial elements to them. Snapchat, a photo-based social network (wherein pictures vanish shortly after they’re received and seen) is handling more than 60 million photos a day – many shuttling between youth. “There’s a change in the social media landscape,” says O.D. Kobo, CEO of Pheed. “No young people want to open up their timeline and read a novel. It’s not quick enough. The younger demographic today is much more into multimedia.”

Keeping up with our teenagers requires being social media and tech savvy without being too over-bearing. Parents and other adults have to know enough to give oversight but not hover over every post and picture uploaded. Social media can be a great place for teenagers to learn responsibility for their words and offer teaching moments for parents when mistakes are made. 

- Andy

Fellowship: Women's Ministry Event

Many of you may not know that I also spend time working as a liaison to the Women's Ministry Council here at Trinity.  And, I am so excited to tell you about an event that encourages our women to spend some fellowship time with their daughters as well as other women.  The Women's Ministry recognizes a need to reach across generational boundaries and help nurture and care for all of our women, young and mature.

This Thursday night, the Women's Ministry is hosting an event to which all of our girls have been invited.  We will be having a Pinterest Meet-up in the Fellowship Hall at 6:30p.m. where you, your daughter, and women of all ages will come together in fellowship for great food (recipes included), great crafts (instructions included), and great laughs (comedienne included).

At each of our "Pinterest" tables, we will have demonstrations on how to do different crafts like quilling, repurposing and distressing furniture, and card-making.  You can even learn what Pinterest is and how to use it!

Each of the dishes you will enjoy come with their very own "pin," so if you like it, you take it home and make it for your next party or appetizer night!

I am excited that we are doing this event because it really reaches across generations.  Our girls love Pinterest, and our women love our girls!  So bring them along, and have a great time creating, eating, and laughing with your daughter!

Reflection: On Hope and Prayer

Over the past couple of weeks, and for a couple of weeks more, our high school students have been thinking about “hope” in their Wednesday night D-Teams.  We have discussed finding hope in the face of great tragedy as well as in the face of our own personal tragedies.  In the next couple of weeks we will talk about seeking God’s will when we face difficult times, and we will rejoice together over testimonies of hope from the lives of our students.  As I have prepared for these lessons, I have thought a lot about the role of prayer in our overall outlook.  I believe that prayer plays a huge part in whether our outlook turns towards hope or despair.  More than anything, I believe that prayer offers us the avenue through which God’s Spirit tends our hearts.  When we open up to God in prayer, we allow God to work in us, to offer us peace, and to slowly nurture our hearts towards his will like a master gardener training a vine to a trellis.  

In John 15, Jesus’ grand “I am” statement is this: “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener… you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing… If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” 

God is the gardener. Jesus is the true vine.  And we are, through prayer, worship, discipleship, service, and fellowship, being trained to him.  Our will, by God’s tending, is slowly turned towards Christlikeness.  And, as we begin to see the world, our lives, and our future through God’s eyes, we find the ultimate source of hope.