A Letter to the Parents of a Good Girl

Inside of your daughter is a good girl – a girl who despite everything longs to be accepted, loved, and wanted and who would give anything to be thought beautiful and worthy of love.  Whether she makes big mistakes or maintains a façade of perfection, she is good. 

She struggles with feelings of insecurity and not-good-enough-ness.  She longs to please those around her; and when she makes mistakes, her good girl gets hurt. 

When it comes to her faith, she either struggles with feeling like she is not doing enough to build her relationship with God, or she feels like she has messed up so much that it would be impossible for God to accept, love, or want her. 

Because of this, because of all of this shame, fear, and anxiety, she hides.  She hides just like Eve in the garden for fear that she will be found out.  She is hiding from you.  She is hiding from the world.  She is hiding from herself.  She is hiding from God. 

Hear this:  She longs to be set free, but she just does not know how this freedom is Christ is attained. 

As her parent, you are the most important spiritual influence she has.  So, before I give you any advice on how to set your daughter free from her feelings of insecurity and not-good-enough-ness, I have to ask you: 

Do you know that you are a new creation in Christ?  that in Christ you have a new identity?  You are loving, joyful, patient, kind, peaceful, gentle, compassionate, beautiful, accepted, worthy.  Once you begin to live as one who knows and accepts this new identity, this Christlikeness, you will be set free from your anxiety, worry, and fear.  Then, she will have the picture of one who walks with God – flaws and all.  

Be open.  

Be honest.  

Be you.  

Be God’s.

Work on that.  I’ll be working, too.  

p.s. I am reading Emily Freeman's Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try-Hard Life.