Tough Issues High School Curriculum: Depression

This past Wednesday, we tackled the second difficult topic of our Tough Issues series with our high school students. Dr. Amanda Price, a licensed psychologist, came and shared what depression is, what it isn’t and how we can help one another. Amanda emphasized that it was natural and appropriate to feel depressed at times when life presents difficult moments. However, when these feelings linger for weeks and months, it begins to transition into suffering from depression, which is more serious. She reminded the group to always reach out for help when they feel overwhelmed. It was informative, engaging and important information for our students and adult leaders.

As the Student Minister at Trinity, I’ve witnessed and walked alongside many of our students suffering from depression. This is not an uncommon experience with middle school and high school students. Though the greater Church is getting better at understanding depression and anxiety, there are still many misconceptions. Many still feel that if they pray a little harder or read their Bible a little more, God will take away the feelings. There are many examples (Job, David, etc.) in the Bible that struggled with depression. They prayed harder but God did not take away the despair. God walked alongside them providing love, grace and mercy. Today, God continues to walk with those that are suffering with depression and anxiety, reminding us to trust in his promises of presence and mercy.

I found a great article this morning that speaks to how we should approach depression and anxiety as Christians. Please take a few moments to read it. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-things-christians-should-know-about-depression-and-anxiety

For those suffering with depression, may God surround them with peace, grace, mercy, and love. For those who know friends and loved ones who struggle with depression and anxiety, may we have compassion, patience, and love to walk alongside them through their journey. God have mercy.

- Andy

Tough Issues High School Curriculum: Drugs + Alcohol

Last Wednesday night we finally began our Tough Issues curriculum with our high school students after being delayed a week by the snow.  Hopefully, you all have downloaded and read through the curriculum and the parent-student discussion questions posted over at lifehonestly.com . By reading through the curriculum you will see where discussion was lead during your student's D-Team time. 

Over the next few weeks, we will also be posting here about how we addressed each topic in our worship time in Northbound.  Last Wednesday night, we opened our time together in worship through song.  As the students sat back down, we recognized that telling students to "Just Say No" has not proven to be effective, and the graphic photos in health class of cars driven by drunk drivers have deterred very few high school students from choosing to drink, do drugs, and/or drive under the influence.  So, we let them in on how we were going to approach the subject a little differently.  What we wanted them to do was to explore the "why" question of choosing to drink or do drugs.  

Two of our students then presented this short dialogue:

Narrator:  This is Jacob.  Jacob is in his first semester of college.  He is smart, strong, and handsome - the product of a good home.  He always seems to make the grade or the goal.  He's worked, yes, but never having to sacrifice much time or energy to meet the mark.  It has been a long, relatively easy journey to here.

Jacob: Easy?  Not so much.

Narrator:  Jacob grew up in a loving, Christian home.  Church is all he has ever known.  His father serves as a deacon in his church, and his mother spends most of her extra time caring for those who are sick and in the hospital.  On the way to church every Sunday, they read over and discussed the lesson from his parents' quarterly.  On Sunday nights, Jacob's entire family would be back at church for Bible study, choir, and youth group.  On Wednesday nights, they were back at church for supper with their church family, Bible study, and missions.  Jacob made sure to go on every mission trip, retreat, and youth event in middle and high school.  He never missed a chance to hang out with his friends, help out in missions, and learn about his faith.

Jacob: It was probably more about friends than anything…

Narrator:  Jacob has always been a good student.  From the time he was in Kindergarten, he was always eager to please his teachers and parents - being attentive, respectful, and helpful in the classroom.  He did his homework on time, mostly, and tested well.  As he got into middle school, he began to take more advanced classes, and he began really getting into soccer competitively.  Life was busy, but fun.  Boy/girl parties started.  Girls became more interesting.  Parties became more exclusive.  And, alcohol entered the picture.  Jacob tried it once in seventh grade at a party with his older cousin, but he wasn't sure he got the appeal.

Jacob:  I though it tasted gross, and honestly I dealt with a lot of guilt and fear after the fact.  I was sure my parents would find out, and I really didn't want any of my friends to know.  I knew it was wrong, but I didn't want to stand out as a little kid at the party.

Narrator:  Jacob started to go to church camp and on mission trips, and he felt God in his heart really for the first time.  He put that party behind him, and really began to focus his attention on church, school, and soccer.

Jacob: Life felt pretty good then.  I just wanted to do what was right, and I really felt close to God then.  I started to understand in Sunday School and Bible studies.  I realized that I really loved working on mission trips.  Life was pretty uncomplicated then.

Narrator:  Life changed a bit when Jacob started high school and his older brother left for college.  Weekends became much busier with soccer and driving back and forth to his brother's baseball games at college.  Sundays became a travel day rather than a day of worship.  And, Wednesday nights at church became more sparse when soccer began to take precedence.

Jacob:  At first I didn't like being gone from church so much, but I knew I would be back… until I wasn't.  I didn't really notice that much when church slipped out of my life.  But, looking back, I can see how my life started to change when I began to leave God out.

Narrator:  Being the little brother of the star of the high school baseball team that won state's and the son of the coach had its advantages.  Teachers and coaches already knew who Jacob was and liked him.  He was popular, smart, respectful, and he came from a great family.

Jacob:  Yeah, I got out of a few classes and teachers liked me, but expectation was high.  I was no where near as good of a soccer player as my brother was a baseball player.  I was good enough to start all through high school, but I was by no means the star.  And, we didn't win states.  My grades were good enough, and I got by without a ton of effort.  B’s were my thing.  My parents wanted me to do better.  I think they knew that it wasn’t likely that I would get some huge soccer scholarship to pay for school.  Grades were a more likely avenue for that.

Narrator:  When Jacob turned sixteen he got his driver's license.  He found a lot more freedom, and he ended up a church more than he had been.  He was there most Sunday's, and he got to Wednesday's when he could.  He liked being back in church.

Jacob:  Yeah, church was great, but it was kind of hard to go back.  I thought I might have missed too much for the rest of the guys in my grade to accept me back in the group.  But, it really was no problem once I got over that.   To be honest, looking back, it feels like it probably was more me who didm;t think I was acceptable.  I knew that my life just did not line up.  I mean, would I have accepted me?

Narrator:  He had the freedom to drive himself to school and practce, but he found his social life picked up a lot.  He could go out on Friday and Saturday nights.  He got a curfew and a lot of plans.  Parties seemed to be happening every weekend, and his teammates were always together on the weekends.  Alcohol was just a fact at parties.

Jacob:  I really can't remember a single party without alcohol.  At first, I was really hesitant about drinking.  You know, I was back in church, and I knew it was wrong.  But, how wrong was it?  I mean, my parents had wine or beer with dinner every now and then, and they were Christians.  I just thought it was a pretty minor offense, and I thought it was just a part of a normal high school experience.   Most of my friends probably thought the same.  If they thought it was a huge deal, I don’t think they would have really made that decision.  We were all just having fun.  No one got hurt, really.

Narrator:  A couple of times Jacob got really drunk at a party. His friends at school thought it was funny.  His friends at church heard about it, and thought it was hypocritical. He kept going to parties, and he kept going to church.

Jacob:  I really didn't see that I was living multiple different lives.  I was perceived as one person by my teachers, coaches, and parents, another by my school friends, another by people by church, and I was never sure who I really was to myself.  I gues I was the acceptable version of myself depending on the situation and the people around me.  It worked, mostly.  On the outside.  I guess I just wanted people to like me - to want to hang out with me.  So, when I was at parties, yeah, I drank.  A couple of times I tried pot on soccer trips.  But, I wasn't really into it.  Alcohol seemed less wrong - more normal.  With alcohol, it just seemed easier.  I could jump right in and have fun - no worries, no inhibitions.  Even before I was technically buzzed, I felt like I could let go and be crazy.  I liked the way it felt not to care.

Narrator:  Senior year was pretty good for Jacob - getting into college, earning a couple of scholarships, winter formal, and really finiding more time to spend at church with the leadership team, church basketball, retreats, and mission trips.  Jacob even felt like he was growing closer to God again.  He still went to the occasional party and drank a beer or two.

Jacob:  Yeah, things were really changing for me.  I felt like I was becoming more me.  Soccer ended with the season, and school was an easy, daily inconvenience until graduation.  My summer mission trip was pretty awesome.  I had never seen people like that before.  We were in Mexico City.  The people were poor.  The kids were dirty.  But, they all seemed happy.  I realized how much I really have.  And, I really think I saw God for the first time.  It kind of opened my eyes.

Narrator:  Now, Jacob is in college.  Classes have started, and so has rush.  Jacob really wants to start fresh and on the right path.  He’s got a new place where no one knows him to form and figure out his identity.

Jacob:  I'm not really sure about anything.  Making friends isn't as easy or instant when you're not on a team.  I've thought about intermurals and club sports.  But, my dad was in a fraternity.  I'm just not sure that I am ready for that life again.  The party scene was fun on the surface.  I had a lot of friends and a lot fo crazy memories when I could remember them.  But, it was draining.  I felt aweful the next day physically and even emotionally.  It was really hard trying to keep up all of the “me’s” - the student me, the child me, the church me, the party me…  I think I am ready for just one me.  When I was in Mexico, I really felt like God's plan for my life was working.  I felt like I knew who I was and I was living life as that person- as the person God made me to be.  It felt really good to know that I was pleasing God.  I was really living out God’s plan for my life.  And, I'm not thinking that partying and getting drunk is really a part of God's plan.  I liked the way I felt when I drank in high school.  I hated the shame and guilt I felt afterward.  I liked the way I felt in Mexico, and there was no shame or guilt after.  But, how am I going to find friends?  It would be really easy if my church was here.
I don’t want to just sit around in my room or the library all of the time.  I want to have some sort of social life.  I want friends.  I want to have fun.  Maybe I can just take a break from partying for a while and try to just figure out me.  Or, I could just take a break from that glimmer of me that I saw on my mission trip and that I felt in church so I can enjoy college while it lasts.  The real world and God’s plan will always be there, but college won’t. 

In this short sketch, there are depicted many of the underlying reasons that students choose to drink and do drugs.  Many feel a sense of insecurity, or they like the added courage of the alcohol and its seeming ability to allow them to be more outgoing or funny.  Many just assume that it is a normal part of high school and do not see it as such a big deal.  Others may feel that it is just a part of fitting in, and many say yes just because it is there at the parties.  Some are just curious.  And, others will give the resigning that they are just trying to prepare for college - literally building up a tolerance so that they can handle the college lifestyle.  Not one of these reasons is a valid reason for choosing to partake in drugs and alcohol, but every one of these reasons is a reason straight from the mouth of a teenager.  

In doing this sketch of a college freshman, it was our hope to touch on a chord or two with our students - recognizing the reasons they give to their choices and then offering an alternative reasoning.  In helping them to think through the why, we hope to encourage them in their identity development and self-differentiation from the status quo of high school, college, and even the adult "party scene."  

As we closed our time together, Lydia shared her reasoning for choosing not to drink or do drugs.  She shared that she felt that God made her in a particular way, with a particular personality, and with a particular purpose; and drugs and alcohol alter the person that God made her to be.  In choosing drugs and alcohol, she would be choosing to say no to God's plans and purposes and choosing to say, rather, that her plans and purposes were better than God's.   

It is easy to find passages in the Bible referring to drunkenness and its prohibition.  We can point to these verses in instructing our children, but exploring the theological why behind these commands will ultimately prove much more effective in teach our children than simply commanding and never helping our children to understand God's good and pure intentions behind such commands and prohibitions.  

Talking Through Tough Issues Biblically with Your Children

I think one thing we all can agree on is the fact life is difficult. For myriad of reasons, life has its challenges. Though most adults would agree today’s teenagers have many advantages we did not grow up with, I would suggest in many ways, today’s teenagers have it more difficult than past generations. Studies have shown, this generation is facing more pressures and anxieties with less support to help them through the difficult times.

There are difficult issues such as drugs/alcohol, depression, sexuality, body image/eating disorders, and bullying that our adolescents face at a greater intensity than generations past. Though there is a wealth of information that can be gathered by our adolescents concerning these topics through external avenues such as the Internet, the traditional support systems such as family, teachers/coaches and the church have often hesitated to provide proper support. As TBC Student Ministry, we are determined to change this trajectory.

On Wednesday nights (Jan. 29-Feb. 26), we will tackle these difficult topics through the perspective of Christ’s love, mercy and grace with our high school students. Our goal is to open conversations between students, parents and loving adult leaders. We desire to create a safe environment where students can learn more about tough issues without judgment, condemnation or ridicule. Drugs/alcohol, depression, sexuality, body image/eating disorders and bullying all deal with a person’s perception of their own identity. Our hope is for our students to develop their identity centered on their relationship with Jesus.

As a Student Ministry, our role is to support parents and families in helping to bring light to some of these issues and to equip them with Christ-centered tools to help deal with the issues when they arise. All parents of high school students will receive a letter in the mail with more information about this study series. In addition, the curriculum and parent/student discussion guide will be available online at www.lifehonestly.com to help facilitate discussions at home. Also, a Parent Forum led by Dr. Tyler Townsend will be held at the same time as the students meet (Wednesdays at 6:00-7:30) in room B233. All of these ways are being put in place to help our families of high school students to be equipped to develop in their faith journey. May God be with us as we journey together.

- Andy

Reflection: Bullying

This blog post is probably jumping the gun since all of the information has not come out in the case of Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin of the Miami Dolphins. For those who are not sports fans, the short version of the story is Richie Incognito, a 9-year veteran of NFL football, terrorized a second year player, Jonathan Martin, so much he had to leave the team from the distress. I am sure there are many facets to this story the public does not know and may never know. However, this story has compelled me to at least share my thoughts and beliefs on bullying - something many of our middle school and high school students face on a daily basis.

I do not think many of us would argue bullying is wrong and hurtful. Many of us would agree that each of us has been bullied and also has bullied others in the past. We might mask our attitudes and actions behind "tradition" or label it “part of growing up,” but if we call it for what it really is, we’ve been bullied and we’ve bullied others. For most of us, we’ve lived through the bullying without it impacting who we have become as adults. However, this is not the case for many of our teenagers.

As many of you have heard me say, times have changed and the world our teenagers are growing up in is vastly different from the world of 1990’s and even 2000’s. Studies have shown today’s youth are less equipped to handle stress in their lives than ever before. On the flip side, today’s teenagers face more stress and anxieties than any other time in the past. Our youth essentially come to bat at the plate with two strikes against them (to use a baseball analogy). Our youth have less stability in their lives than ever before. Though many of them have been given every financial and social advantage to succeed, they’ve lacked adults who consistently desire what is best for the teenagers rather than their own. The lack of relational support has caused them to be less equipped to deal with the pressures and expectations around them.

So how does this correlate with bullying? For many teenagers, bullying is the straw that breaks their back. Not only do they feel detached from adults in their lives, they feel isolated by their peers. They are ill-equipped to deal with questions of identity and purpose in life, which is a critical developmental issue during middle school and high school. (BTW, this has very little to do with what they want to be in the future.) Teenagers who are bullied feel they have nowhere to turn for support and encouragement.

Spiritually, bullied teenagers have a difficult time putting their faith and trust in Christ because they often project their anger and hurt on God. Part of growing in discipleship requires an understanding of their own identity as the crowning creation of God who loves them without end. Being constantly put down and isolated teaches teenagers that they are not worthy of God’s love and grace. As caring adults in their lives, we must do everything possible to help all teenagers to feel loved and help them understand God’s infinite love through our words, attitudes and actions. We must individually decide to be part of the solution and not remain part of the problem.

In Colossians 3:1-3, Paul reminds the Colossians to remain focused on the heavenly perspective. “So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective. Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life.” (The Message) As parents and caring adults, we are charged to help teenagers to pursue Christ and to set their minds on things above. We need to help them align their thoughts, attitudes and actions with God's active kingdom through the example of Christ while we try to do same in our own lives. It is a difficult challenge that should cause us to humble ourselves before God for strength, wisdom and guidance. I hope you will join with me in leading our teenagers toward Jesus. May God find us faithful every step of the way.

 - Andy

Reflection: We Are What We Consume?

Recently, our student ministry team ran across an article from the Fuller Youth Institute by Kris Fernhout entitled "We Are What We Consume."

What author Kris Fernhout does in this article, is that he allows adults to better understand the world in which today’s children are growing up. A world where “about two-thirds of the $11 trillion U.S. economy is spent on consumer goods.” Consumerism is at an all time high, and adolescents play a more significant role in this than we would imagine. Advertisements and marketing strategies are targeting children and teenagers because they understand what the article’s title suggests “We Are What We Consume.”

Adolescents crave not just an identity, but an identity that will make them accepted. The article argues that this identity is created through what they own. No longer is it just about what items determine what is cool or not cool. It has come to the sad reality that many believe they cannot be defined by society without a pair of Toms or the new iPhone or whatever it is that kids are being told to purchase. To make matters worse, the advertisers feed off of this. They further push the notion that their product is necessary to create an identity.

So how do we respond as parents, youth leaders and role models? To be angry and to blame the system would be one possibility. However, this would solve very little. As much as we may dislike it, the fact remains that this trend will only continue to grow. And on top of this, we may even find that we are unknowingly contributing to the problem as well.

A better alternative would be to take consumerism for what it is to these children: another form of pressure. It serves as just one more thing to which students are expected to give in so that they will be accepted. When we realize this, we realize the importance of helping them find their identity in something else. We want them to understand that what they buy and the things they have are not what define them. Our hope is that they find their identity in Jesus Christ. That they realize that they do not need to fear being abandoned or fear not being loved because there is a God in Heaven that desires a personal relationship with them and loves them exactly the way He created them.

However, for them to be able to understand this we must enable them to look past what everyone is buying. Try to figure out the things in your student’s lives that they feel they “need” to be accepted. Reflect on the things in your life that you sometimes feel that you “must own” to be accepted by your peers. Once we better understand these pressures that consumerism bring, then we are able to steer their identity development away from it.

Let us all pray for the students, the parents and the leaders, that we are able to find the truth about where our identity comes from and to alter the thought process from “We Are What We Consume” to “We Are a Follower of Christ.”

- Christian